And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
