fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
