If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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