So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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