We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you still have your period?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
