Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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