If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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