google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
