I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
