I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
