Porn is love you can see.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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