sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
