last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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