Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
