There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
