So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
