just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
