I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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