I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
