You made me cry and you don't even care
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
