There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
