You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
