She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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