just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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