I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
