Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
