what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
