I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
