4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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