I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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