I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
