I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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