When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
