I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
