apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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