I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
