Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
