where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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