I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
