It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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