I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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