We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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