need another drink. this is the easiest way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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