He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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