drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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