He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
