Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
