help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
