I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will pee on everything he values.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
