I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
