I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
