True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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