The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
