I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
