I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
