smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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