Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
